Edition 503 – What You Don’t See

As I’ve, let’s say, matured, I’ve become more interested in people. What makes them tick? What path they’re on? What drives them? It’s not always been that way, I’d have to tell you.

I’ve also become a lot better at asking questions of people I come into contact with, to find out a little more of who they are and what they stand for. People are much more intriguing, and interesting, when you ask them about themselves, and their lives, and what they’re aspiring to do with it.

All of this means that I tend to notice things about people, that perhaps they don’t notice themselves. Sometimes, it comes out in the words they use. At other times, it comes out in the words they don’t use. There’s a nuance, that you listen out for, somewhat subconsciously, that is a small window into people. Most of us are guarded, unless we trust those who we’re engaged in conversation with.

I’ve come across individuals over the years who don’t understand their best attributes, and how valuable those are, to who they are, and the people they engage with. We think that what we do, or how we go about doing it, is a bit pedestrian, and hardly unique, amongst our industry group, our profession, or our colleagues. Yet, we’re all guilty of saying to ourselves “doesn’t everyone know that” when we make a statement that seems blatantly obvious to us, but to others, is a real lightbulb moment. There’s a surprising number of people whose blind-spots include not knowing what their own strengths are.

Similarly, depending on the strength of the relationship you have with your spouse, or the key person in your life, one of three things tend to happen:

1. They don’t know your true strengths either; or,
2. They highlight your weaknesses more than your strengths; or,
3. They embellish the truth about your strengths, because of how close to you they truly are, and how blinkered their opinion is of you.

It’s my experience that it’s individuals, who are trusted, but not invested in the sense of an intimate personal relationship with you, who can help you to uncover your key strengths, and thus help you to identify the true sense of your value to others.

And why is that important? Simply for the fact that, for most people, in all walks of life, they greatly undervalue themselves and, as such, undercharge. Whether it’s a product that is manufactured, or a service that is provided, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve come across business owners, and indeed fellow professionals, who are not being rewarded for the expertise they possess, nor for the commitment they invest.

I’m at the stage now where, if I see this happening, I pipe up and say something, to the person I’m engaging with. The reason – for a long time, my own poor sense of self worth meant that I didn’t charge what I was worth, or I put up with poor behaviour from clients, because I didn’t think I was that good at what I did! That’s the simple truth, and it took years of counselling to reframe that. Still, today, I need to work at it.

So, who do you trust, to give you the unvarnished truth about who you are, and what your key strengths are? When you ask that person for their feedback, take a moment to stop and listen, without any sense of a rejection of the message. Some of us don’t take compliments easily. If we don’t, we might just miss out on finding out, what it is about us, that makes us unique, and invaluable.

This Week’s Tip

“Why is it easier for so many of us, to accept criticism, rather than compliments?”