Edition 484 – Repair-Resilience-Reinvention
Men are particularly poor at taking care of themselves. I’m not talking about their diet, exercise, or how much they drink. I’m talking about their mental health and how it impacts them and the people around them. The old Australian adage of “she’ll be right” is a smokescreen for not wanting to deal, with what’s going on inside.
Almost nine years ago, I left the relative comfort of my former accounting practice, with a loyal and trusted business partner, good staff, a known quantity in terms of our client base and upcoming work, and decided to jump into the fire of becoming a solo consultant. It was an exciting time, borne out of wanting to do something different, professionally, and make a difference in my own life, and those of the clients that I worked with.
It was also a harrowing time. I was broken. Years of building a business, a couple of business partnership changes, employing staff, and trying to build a better life for our family, had taken their toll. However, it was deeper than that. Much deeper.
It took me a while, however I reached out to a men’s counsellor on the other side of Sydney, called Harley. I’d tried counselling about 8 years beforehand, and it hadn’t quite worked. I knew I needed to do something again.
When Harley started working with me, immediately what struck me was that he allowed me to simply talk. He asked questions, of course. However, there was no judgement. He could see that I was broken, and that our work together would take time to allow myself to repair.
In the early days, as I struggled with life in the new business world, I’d blow out the occasional appointment, citing work demands. Then, one day, as I’m seated on his couch, he was firm, but calm with me as he informed me that if I wanted to make this work, then I needed to commit to the process, and the journey. It was a professionally conveyed wake-up call.
Over the years, we’ve progressed through 3 stages:
- Repair.
- Resilience.
- Reinvention.
Most people may not appreciate it if they look at me today, however, my sense of self worth had never been high. The glass was definitely more half empty than it was half full. It’s amazing how impactful your upbringing can be, in framing your outlook on life, and that sense of feeling comfortable (or not) in your own skin. The frightened 9 year old lives inside of us, if we allow it to.
Through the resilience phase, I’ve learned a huge amount about myself – including about giving myself permission to be me, and to learn to push back, when I felt that others were not treating me right, or were infringing on my own values. That’s been an awakening that I wasn’t quite prepared for, so compliant had I been over the years, which often boiled over into frustration when I felt that loss of control.
As I’ve reinvented myself professionally, I’ve also entered a metamorphosis in my personal life. Our lives as active parents of young boys has pivoted (very quickly, too, by the way) as they’ve grown up and established themselves as young men, leading their own way in life. What’s important to me, today, is different to what it was, and a lot of that is down to the guidance, support and professionalism of one man, in Crows Nest, each second Friday afternoon.
Last Friday was our last, regular session together. It was time to enter the next phase – release – and go forth in the confidence that I’ve achieved more through our work together, than I could ever have done, trying to figure it out for myself. The wings work, it’s now time to leave the nest.
We’re going to catch up every 6 months, more as a health check than anything else. Some old habits may creep back in, and at times, require someone to hold up the mirror, to say, “have you noticed this?” That’s simply a part of this next phase – venturing forth, with support there, if I need it.
This Week’s Tip
“Sadly, reaching out is still perceived as a sign of weakness,
rather than how it should be seen – as a desire to merely be a better person.”